1. Doom scroll Instagram and spiral into an identity crisis because apparently everyone you went to school with is now a CEO, influencer or yoga instructor with a six-pack, while you just woke up before 10 a.m. for the first time in a decade.
2. Have an emotional breakdown worthy of a female vamp on Indian TV serials and beg for attention form your parents as a last resort because your friends don't remember you or your birthday and are vacationing in Goa.
3. Attempt a hot new makeup look, but end up looking like a haunted Victorian doll who died of neglect and regret. Realize once again: Blush can't bring color into your life only to your face.
4. Try to bake a cake 'just for fun', only to have a full-blown existential crisis in the supermarket because what is an oven thermometer? Where do I find it and why do I need so many utensils to make a fucking cake?
5. Watch the 1995 BBC Pride and Prejudice, cry when Mr. Darcy emerges wet from the pond, and accept that no man has ever — or will ever — dramatically emerge from a body of water just to marry you and your ugly face.
6. Go on a fun little hike, only to realize 600 meters in, that your lungs were designed for sitting and sighing, eating, maybe all three at the same time but not movement.
7. Read an article about a 9-year-old who discovered a potential cure for cancer, and spiral into self-loathing while trying to remember the last time you did anything other than watch Netflix all day.
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