Influencer takes a mental health break due to burnout from doing her 10th haul video of the day.

 Mumbai, MH-- 23-year-old fashion influencer, Alvaira Naira posted on Instagram yesterday evening to her 300 followers that she was going to take a 1-month sabbatical from posting 10 Zara hauls a day. 'Itz really stressful you guys, like being a content creator is not easy you know. Like shopping for clothes, like all day and like wearing them in front of a camera is sooo exhausting y'all. On top of all the work I do, I have to also cook food to eat, clean my house and go to pilates class every day. Like, it's like I just feel so overwhelmed yaa, you know with all work I have to do. But I still work hard to bring you guys similar kuthi's in different colors from different brands cuz I luv you guyz and the family we have created online. But don't worry I'll be back once a brand offers me enough money to suck its dick or I need validation from you peasants, whichever is earlier. You guys can use codeALV in the meantime to get 10 percent off on the shoelace I'm wearing in this video. Something to tide you all over during my 1-month sabbatical, byeee guyzz, don't miss me too much ', said Alvaira in her last Instagram reel. 

13-year-old boy reported dead after being put on a 30-day almond diet to increase his intelligence.

 

Bangalore, KA-- Residents of Bangalore are mourning the death of R. Ahmed, who passed away at S.t Mary hospital yesterday after being fed only almonds for breakfast, lunch and dinner by his parents to stop him from failing his math test in school. 'We tried everything we could to get him to focus on his studies, right from locking him up in a room at school in the morning to imprisoning him at the tuition center in the evenings. From crushing his hobby of drawing and cricket under our foot to banning him from talking to girls. Yet he kept on crying himself to sleep every night and failing math exams.', his devastated mother was reported saying to the reporters. It was Ahmed's uncle who recommended putting him on the 30 day almond diet, as suggested to him by WhatsApp forward, who had received great results experimenting with the diet on his own daughter. 'Depression is a luxury, when I was your age, I was swimming 8km and running through hot coal to get to school. If you spent less time looking at your phone, your brain would still be working', Ahmed's father was quoted saying when Ahmed mention going to a therapist. According to reports, students from Ahmed's class were protesting the loss of the 5 min they could have spent finishing a trigonometry sum instead of observing a moment of silence to honor Ahmed. 

Netizens stunned to find out that when a fuckboi marries a gold-digger there are consequences.

Mumbai, MH- Netizens of Indian Social Networking Sites found themselves embroiled in a scintillating discourse about the lives and divorce of 2 people wholly unconnected to them on Friday afternoon after the news of the divorce of cricketer Yuzvendra Chahal broke out. 'It is unfair that Chahal is required to pay alimony of 4.75 crore to his wife. That poor 35-year-old man has been scammed by a cunning feminazi gold digger with a super tight pussy grip, and he doesn't even know it. It is our responsibility to save him. ', says a 13-year-old virgin who spent the whole afternoon masturbating to Andrew Tate's interviews after his mom grounded him for failing his geography exam. According to reports coming out of India, men are taking bold steps to lie about the imaginary assets they have to their imaginary wife to be arranged by their parents in the future, so that they can just use her for sex and unpaid labor without unnecessary hassle. One mathematical whiz among the netizens who prepared and shared a cost benefit analysis of marrying to have sex for the first time and says-' I created this excel spreadsheet because I love math and also, I'm unemployed, so I enjoy projecting my own insecurities onto celebrities who have no idea I exist.' 

Indian Mother tries rainwater harvesting after she mistakes her daughter's tears for rain

Chennai, TN - Indian mother living in Chennai, Tamil Nadu, expresses astonishment at her daughter's tears and the fact that she has actual feelings after an incident involving the daughter not cleaning up the kitchen after cooking herself some pasta led to arguments between the mother daughter duo. 'I carried this girl in my stomach for 9 months, birthed her, fed her, clothed her and gave her a roof over her head. Isn't it her duty to repay me for all the money I've spent on her by being my emotional punchbag because no one has taught me emotional self-regulation.?' reports the mother as she berates her daughter by listing out everything wrong, she has done in her life till now. Neighbours report that they had thought that the family was celebrating some good news by bursting firecrackers only to reach their house only to deduce that it was the mother who was thrilling her daughter with vocal pyrotechnics. The father was seen hiding out in his office during the duration of the fight and later was heard saying that, 'As parents we have eaten 24090 more bowls of rice that has made our brain grow twice the size of the protein shake drinking Genz kids, we cannot possibly be wrong about anything. '

Wedding MUA has a mental breakdown after she realizes that a wedding can infact go on without her

BANGALORE, KA -- On Tuesday at 7:00 p.m. eyewitness at the Dolly and Duke wedding, report seeing the 'No.1 MUA of Bangalore' breaking down in tears as she realized that it was the bride and not her who was the most important part of the wedding and that the wedding can in fact go on without her. 'It's kinda Crazy how the bride expected all of us to be punctual and arrive at least 4 hours before the wedding. Our philosophy as MUA's is why be early and waste time doing makeup at a slow and steady pace one step at time, when we can do the same shit at a breakneck speed racing against the clock. If the bride develops an ulcer from the stress of incessantly calling us to come fast and get her ready before the muhurtham, then she should try meditation. You know to calm her mind. '', said the fifth assistant to the 'No.1MUA of Bangalore', who confirmed that the makeup team arrived at the wedding hall exactly an hour before the wedding to a harried and an angry bride. It has now been revealed that the inciting incident at the center of the mental breakdown of the 'No.1 MUA of Bangalore' was the deranged bride, who was enraged at the cheap foundation that was used, which was the color of white paint leading the bride to look like Casper the friendly ghost from the neck up, who had put on a bright red lipstick with hot neon pink eyeshadow. 'How can the bride possibly know about what suits her and her features and her complexion even after being alive on this earth for 22 years. It is the responsibility of a capable, first-class MUA to cake enough makeup on the bride's face to the point where she wondered, if she was meeting a long-lost twin her parents didn't tell her about as she gazed into the mirror.' officials reported the MUA saying during the investigation. The breakdown of the 'No.1 MUA of Bangalore' was also exacerbated by the escalating unreasonable demands made by the bride, such as her request to remove everything and start the makeup again from scratch, reported the 2nd assistant to the MUA. On the other side, the bride's sister who was also present by the bride the entire time, reported that the situation became unsalvageable leading to the bride firing the MUA only after the MUA and her assistants made the bride cry by passing mean comments. 'Kids of today are soo sensitive. I'm scared to say anything now a days because someone or the other gets offended by it. I only told her she should have lost some weight and managed her body before the wedding and applied lime juice on her face to lighten her skin tone. I was even gracious enough to invite her to my salon to thread the unibrow she had making her look like a geriatric school principal.' the exasperated No.1 MUA of Bangalore is reported saying to everyone who would listen. 

How to be a toxic boyfriend 101 feat. Arnav Singh Raisada

 When it came to the TV remote in our house, the line of hierarchy was set in stone. Weekends were for my dad and his obsession with obscure documentaries about an elephant leading her heard through the African savanna and watching Dhoni hit a six during IPL. If you think that me and my brother could at least spend the weekdays after school watching nobita get bullied by Suneo and Gyaan (which honestly deserved- that creep was watching Shizuka bath), well you thought wrong. Enter my mother with all her TV serials which start at 5 p.m in the evening and ends well after we've gone to bed at 10 p.m. Ask me today, I would say Indian serials are the bottom of the barrel entertainment, where logic is optional, actors overact with a dramatic 'domta domta dherena' playing in the background, where in every family there is that one bitch who gets up to crazy shenanigans and just can't let the female lead live in peace. One moment, the lead character is happily married, and the next, they find out they have a twin sibling who is out to kill her, and she has married her stepbrother or some shit. However, when I was in school, my intellectual capabilities and neural circuitry were overridden and highjacked by the hotness of Barun Sobti aka, Arnav Singh Raizada, who set the standard for the man I planned to marry in future. Along with Kushi Kumari Gupta, the lead actress, they were the perfect love story, and I swore to myself, If I didn't have a love story like them, I would rather die alone. 

Now as a fully grown adult with a mature, developed prefrontal cortex, I happened across some of the clips of the serial on YouTube, and decided to rewatch some of the it. As I write this post today, I'm confused. This cannot be the same serial with which my mother blackmailed me into completing my trigonometry homework. This was not the show I loved and eagerly waited all day to watch. Arnav Singh Raizada I remembered was a hot, brooding, smirking, intense, coconut on the outside-marshmallow on the inside kinda man. However, the reality I had to reconcile with as I watched the clips one after another was that Arnav Singh Raizada was an arrogant, emotionally constipated man who pretty much harassed Kushi into falling in love with him. This guy locks her in a dark room, physically intimidates her, accuses her of being a gold digger, rips of the tie on the back of her blouse for absolutely no reason and this is just their first meeting. He spends half the serial misunderstanding something or the other about Kushi, starting an argument, screaming at the poor girl even as she tries to explain the situation to him and then finding out later that he was an absolute dumbass with poor listening skills and had the emotional depth of a robot, coming to the realization at the end that -'Oh it was a misunderstanding and Kushi was innocent-this means I like her, but no I can't like her because I'm a manchild with no self-awareness,', and then proceeds to have an emotional breakdown and rinse and repeat over 200 episodes. My man, you need therapy, not love. On the other hand, Kushi Kumari Gupta, is a beautiful woman but also incredibly dumb and highly slow on the uptake. Like girl, if he's grabbing you so hard that you have to hide the imprint of his hands by covering yourself with a dupatta, best believe his red flags are brighter than the red marks he left on you. It takes delusion on another level to come to the conclusion that this guy who spends half of his time treating you like you're beneath him and the other half taunting you about your low social status to satisfy his own ego, secretly loves you.  Kids don't fall for this kinda bullshit; these are the kind of guys who get booked under POSH for sexual harassment.

The best character in this serial is also ironically the one I hated when I was young, because I thought she was keeping Kushi and Arnav apart. Arnav's girlfriend (who becomes his ex-girlfriend)- Lavanya. She's gorgeous, intelligent, has a career and a fashion sense Kushi could only dream of, but because this is India and we are filled top to bottom with 'sanskar', a women's worth here is only determined by how good the pakora she makes are and how much willing she is to lose her personality and her independence to fit into her Huband's family. Lavanya has been Arnav's girlfriend for a while now and just like any sane, normal women she wants to marry her boyfriend. This makes sense right. Now instead of sitting this girl down and telling her he doesn't want to marry her like a man, we watch about 50 episodes Arnav being a little ass bitch and his family trying to make her sanskari, because if you wear miniskirts instead of sarees, of course you are a characterless girl unworthy of marrying your boyfriend of 5 years. I'm not even kidding; his family actually enlists Kushi to teach her 'sanskar'. And if you're wondering how the fuck does one teaches 'sanskar' and what does that even entail, watch Kushi spending all day instructing this foreign educated career women who works shoulder to shoulder with Arnav in the office, make jelabis in the kitchen in the morning and labor for the 100 different pujas this family does in the evening. The whoop I let out when this woman breaks up with Arnav, I swear to God. She chooses her dignity and self-respect before a man and girl--RESPECT.

While the serial had its faults, one thing was undeniable-the romantic chemistry between the leads. Hot, Intense, electric. Both the actors basically hardcarried this show on their backs and damn do they look good together.  The writing of the show and the banter between the leads are hilarious to watch even today. And I'll always feel nostalgic about the OST of Rabba Ve in the background and they gazed intensely into each other's eyes. They created the perfect fantasy for me to escape into as a child and I will always look back fondly on Arnav's popular dialogue - 'What the'. While I would never fall in love with Arnav in real life, the only thing I wish and pray for from God is for my future significant other to have at least 10 percent of the hotness of Arnav Singh Raizada. Pleeseeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  

Periods, Pads and PMS

The first time I got to know about periods, was pretty much like stumbling unknowingly into the wardrobe that led the Pevensie siblings into Narnia. A secret world of women bound together by this mysterious magic, a sisterhood where all of us gathered to hold hands and sing hymns and dance around a banyan tree. It was in sixth grade when a girl in our class got her first period at school and I still remember everyone hovering around her, whispering secretively to one another as they led all of us in a procession from the class to the teacher's room, with me at the rear wondering what in the gods name was going on. Apparently, the malady that had affected my classmate was called 'periods' and no one was ready to explain to me what it exactly meant in simple understandable terms. My mother, when asked about the same that evening launched into a whole ass science lecture about uterine linings and ovaries and estrogen, that left me even more confused than before. It was my grandmother, in the end, who sat me down and explained to me, that period basically meant that I was about to bleed from my vagina every month for the next 40 years of my life.

And instead of being scared and weirded out by it like a normal teenager, my 11-year-old self was absolutely fascinated, and I couldn't wait to join my fellow sisters and participate in this bleeding ritual every month. Since I was a late bloomer and all my classmate's had gotten their period before me, I would pester all my friends and my mother to explain how it felt to have blood coming out of their vagina. Would it burst out? Would it be painful? Did it come out like you pee but instead of water, it would be blood. Truly I was one of those annoying kids, who had 'but why' at the end of all answers given to them. And when that fateful day came, right after my math exam (even my uterus hated math!!) it also came with great embarrassment. You see in my home state, when a girl got her first period it was celebrated grandly with a function dressing up the girl in a saree as relatives and friends applied turmeric and Chandan on her as a way of giving her their blessings and best wishes (also in the olden days, loudly proclaiming that the girl was ready for marriage now). While thankfully my mother put her foot down at the grandness of the function, that did not stop my grandmothers from steamrolling my mother and emotionally blackmailing me into at least inviting a few of our neighbors to come and attend. To this day I cringe to think of this random uncle who I had spoken, maybe 2 words to, in my entire life, congratulate me on getting my period. He even shook my fucking hand as he said it!! Sir, there is no reason for you to know I got my Periods, nor do I need your congratulations. I wanted to dig up a hole and off myself into it.

When I was young, I always thought the stereotype of women being emotional before their periods was just men being their sexist selves. I was alas confronted with the evidence of its accuracy, when our coaching teacher was scolding a guy in our class for something once and my eyes started to well up with tears. At that time, I thought I was probably an empath with deep sensitivity to other's feelings and considered the world's pain as my pain. However, when I got my period at the end of the day, I realized, no, it just my hormones and that I was way too selfish a person to care about the feelings of people wholly unknown to me. While different women get different signs of PMS, I know I'm about to get my period in a few days when I start eating everything edible in my sight like gathodgaja. Nothing is safe from my clutches, and everything I find ends up directly in my mouth. I have eaten 8 carrots one after the other, once and let it be known that I detest carrots with my entire being. On one occasion in a dire situation when there was only rice left for dinner with no other side dish, I just mixed it with ghee and ate a plateful of plain white rice like a savage. It's like I forget what fullness is and it feels a through my stomach has expanded 4 times its actual size and nothing will satiate the monster I have created in my body.

Thankfully periods in general have not given me much grief. Light stomachache and the mortal peril, that all food items in my house are in, are pretty much the only thing that made life difficult. However, what has caused me much hassle has been society's attitude towards periods. The shopkeeper putting the pads in black bags, to seeing my aunt sneak in the whispers packet into her house like its cocaine, to seeing your cousins not being allowed into the kitchen and the puja room because periods apparently make you impure has caused complications for many a young girl in India. I still fume and seethe with rage to this day when I remember the first time, I encountered such mindset and that too from my own grandmother. I was told to say put in a room without coming out for the whole day as there was a puja going in and me having my period would--I don't know stink up the room with its unholiness or some shit. I swallowed my anger when my uncle explained patronizingly that in the olden days, women were not even allowed inside the house during the periods, as though he and the rest of society were doing women a favor by forcing them to stay in a room without touching anything, getting food from others like a prisoner in a jail. I burned with indignation as my male cousins joked about how nice it was that women got free days where they don't have to do anything, conveniently forgetting that it was my aunt who was going to clean the messes left by them the next day.

Truly it's almost a miracle how my mother turned out the way she did. In hindsight while I may have been scratching my head wondering if estrogen was the name of an American white lady, my mother made sure that the first time I came to know about periods was not through the lens of Indian society, but through the lens of science. If an egg isn't fertilized by sperm, the body sheds blood. It was biology. It was a natural bodily process and that, there was nothing to be shameful or embarrassed by. It could have been so easy for my mother to do to me, what my grandmother did to her. She was from a village, born into a deeply patriarchal family, had no avenue to broaden her mind as we do with the internet. It would make sense and seem natural for her to continue to follow tradition. But she did not. She knew that when her own family members restricted her freedom of movement in her own house, there was something deeply wrong. While she will never change the world, she changed things for the one person who would be the most affected by it, me. To this day, with the exception of the first time I got my period and that time at my grandmother's house, I can't remember my mother ever setting any rules for me to follow during my period. Sure, she has on many occasions scolded me to high hell as I washed the bloodstains off the bedsheets and the sofa covers, but she has never once told me not to sit on the sofa or sleep on the bed during my periods again. That is breaking the cycle. That is her way of ensuring that the next generation of women are closer to equality than she herself was. To me, that is feminism and my mother, the first feminist I ever knew.